How to ask for what you want

Expressing needs and desires can feel intimidating, especially when emotions are high. The Ask for What You Want tool simplifies this process by breaking it down into four actionable steps. Adapted from Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication framework, this tool provides the skills to communicate assertively and empathetically.

How to use the tool

• Introduce the Framework
  • Share the Ask for What You Want poster and explain each step:
    • I Notice: Say what’s bothering you without blame, focusing on observable facts.
    • I Feel: Express your feelings about the situation without placing responsibility on others.
    • Because I Need: Identify the need underlying your feelings.
    • Would You Please: Make a clear, actionable request that respects the other person’s autonomy.
• Practice with Scenarios
  • Use role-playing exercises to help practice the framework. For example:
    • Scenario: A classmate talks loudly during a group project.
    • Response: “I notice that it’s hard to focus when there’s talking (I Notice). I feel frustrated (I Feel) because I need a quieter environment to concentrate (Because I Need). Would you please lower your voice during work time? (Would You Please).”
  • Encourage sharing real-life examples and adapt the framework to the situations.
• Reflect on Communication
  • After practicing, reflect on how using the tool felt. Prompts can include:
    • “Did the person respond differently when you used this approach?”
    • “How did it feel to express your needs clearly and respectfully?”
• Encourage Regular Use
  • Reinforce the tool’s steps by displaying the poster in classrooms or common areas. Encourage referring to it when facing a communication challenge.
  • Model the framework in interactions to demonstrate its effectiveness.

Benefits of using the tool

• Emotional Awareness: Recognizing and articulating feelings in a constructive way.
• Assertive Communication: Expressing needs clearly without aggression or passivity.
• Conflict Resolution: Reducing misunderstandings and finding mutually agreeable solutions.
• Empathy and Respect: Framing requests that consider the other person’s perspective.

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